Given recent events, it is very difficult to see Russia as a big bully and terrorist state. Their soldiers barely hold their positions, while Putin hides in some deep underground bunker, deciding whether to leave himself now or wait for the bounty hunters to knock on his door.
Over the centuries, the Russians participated in countless wars, but it is important to know that not all of them ended well. Let us recall some of Russia’s biggest military failures!
1. Battle of Kalka River – Kievan Rus vs. Mongols (1223)
Let me preface that Kievan Rus was the forerunner of modern Russia and many other European countries. Rus was a kind of confederation of princes centered on the city named after Prince Kei – hence, Kiev (not Kiev). Basically, it was a European Union but with horses, spears and arrows. In the XIII century, the Mongols conquered small kingdoms left, right and center. One day the Mongols sent their ambassador to Kiev, saying that the princes should kneel before the mob. The princes scoffed at the threat and killed the poor ambassador. How do these Mongols threaten noble princes? Long story short, the nobles gathered a large army and routed the surprisingly inferior Mongol forces. But the proto-Russians greedily pursued the retreating invaders, who were ambushed and killed by mobs. Even those who surrendered were killed and buried under the camp. Absolutely horrible!
2. Moscow under siege – Moscow vs Mongols (1382)
120 years after the Battle of the Kalka River, Moscow rose from the swamps and began to look like a promising small city, but it was still under Mongol rule and governed by a puppet lord – Prince Dmitry Donskoy. One day, Dmitriy got so tired of being ordered around that he decided to kill some Mongols. Such actions only enraged the Asian overlords, and they sent Prince Doktamish, a version of the Terminator, to teach Driri a lesson. He held Moscow under siege for three terrible days and then waved a white flag. The half-witted Muscovites rejoiced and opened the gates, only to be slaughtered by Tokhtamysh’s swordsmen. Oh, and Danskoi wasn’t even in Moscow at the time, but when he returned, all he saw were charred corpses and his beloved city leveled to the ground.
3. Crimean War — Russia vs. Ottoman Empire, France and Britain (1853-1856)
Many of you may find this particular case very interesting. In 1853, Russia was so concerned about the Orthodox Christians in Crimea, which was part of the Ottoman Empire, that they decided to free the poor citizens from the evil sultans. The Turks did not find such a move happy and declared war on Russia. France and Britain became involved as they understood the stakes of this war. If not stopped, Russia will spread its “peace” all over the world! Leaving aside the details of the battle, it can be said that the Russian forces lost more than a million soldiers stationed in the Black Sea and all their ships. They returned to Crimea in 2014, and soon they will be kicked out like mango dogs.
4. World War I — Russia vs. Germany (1915)
Unable to destroy England and France in the West, the wily Germans decided to confuse Russia at least in the East. They held their positions in Galicia until artillery and soldiers were transported from the west. The attack was swift and deadly, resulting in the complete destruction of the Russian forces. 140,000 became prisoners, and somewhere under a million died or were wounded. The remaining Russians fled eastward, leaving all of Poland and Lithuania to the Germans.
5. Grozny War — Russia vs. Chechnya (1994-1995)
Grozny was a bloody mess. First, the Russian general Krachev boasted about capturing the city with a group of paratroopers. But as he eventually realized, even 38,000 soldiers and hundreds of tanks would not be enough to break the spirit of the brave Chechens. The general did not think through the battle plan, resulting in a two-year slog for the Russians and unfortunately ending with the total destruction of Grozny. The Russian air force bombarded the city to intimidate the resistance fighters, but the bombs damaged the roads too badly for any tanks to pass. No tanks – no artillery support. In short, General Ecutt up, what I mean. The Russian orcs were not as familiar with the city as the Chechens, and were often ambushed and killed. Within hours, the Chechen resistance destroyed 400 tanks and armored vehicles, not to mention thousands of soldiers.
6. Russian Invasion of Ukraine (2022)
28 years after being humiliated by the Chechens, the Russians invaded Ukraine to “destroy the country and prevent the genocide of the Russian language”. At least that’s Putin’s official story, which no one but brainwashed Russians really believe. While the war is still going on, it’s clear that Putin’s thugs have bitten off more than they can chew. According to plans captured from a captured soldier, it was to be a 3-day blitzkrieg. In and out before dinner. The Russians truly believed that if they started bombing civilians, the whole country would collapse before the new ruler. Well, tough cookies! In the 25 days since the invasion began, more than 14,000 Russian soldiers have died, thousands of military vehicles and jets have been burned to a crisp, and worst of all—thanks to all those sanctions, the Russian economy is collapsing faster than a shooting star. Even if they manage to “win” the war by some wild accident, they are still losers. Always was and always will be.
Glory to Ukraine!